As of today I am CPR certified. To wit:
"The victim is unresponsive, what do you do?"
"Tell any bystanders to call 911 and to bring an AED (where applicable). Then check for breathing and circulation."
"There are no signs of breathing or circulation, now what?"
"I scream out, 'Resusci-Anne, NOOOOO!!!' and then I beg God to take me instead."*
"After that?"
"I begin CPR, 15 compressions followed by two rescue breaths."
"Excellent."
Your tax-dollars at work.
*Also would have accepted "Goddamn, you bitch, you never backed down from anything in your life! Now fight! Fight! Fight!" while slapping Resusci-Anne every time "fight" is said.
"The victim is unresponsive, what do you do?"
"Tell any bystanders to call 911 and to bring an AED (where applicable). Then check for breathing and circulation."
"There are no signs of breathing or circulation, now what?"
"I scream out, 'Resusci-Anne, NOOOOO!!!' and then I beg God to take me instead."*
"After that?"
"I begin CPR, 15 compressions followed by two rescue breaths."
"Excellent."
Your tax-dollars at work.
*Also would have accepted "Goddamn, you bitch, you never backed down from anything in your life! Now fight! Fight! Fight!" while slapping Resusci-Anne every time "fight" is said.
posted by J-Syn at 10:52 PM
2 Comments:
that is one pricey doll.
Reminds me of an interesting procedure for the treatment of casualties that some friends in my unit and I developed:
You see a casualty, proceed as follows:
1.Frantically try to dig your Common Tasks Manual out of your ruck.
2.Say, "Oh shit, where the fuck is my Common Tasks Manual?!"
3.Ask your Team Leader "Sarge, have you seen my Common Tasks Manual?!"
4.Act like you know what you're doing until a medic shows up. Also, when the casualty glares at you, give him the "You don't know how to do this either motherfucker, so don't give me that fuckin' look!" look.
5.Be extremely relieved when an actual medic arrives.
6.Try not to get shot. Your buddy don't know how to do that shit either!
Post a Comment
<< Home