Well, time for the obligatory New Year's Resolutions (!).

1. Stop Drinking Because You're Bored- However, continue drinking to make problems go away, that totally works.

2. Chase More Tail- This would more accurately be titled "Start chasing tail" since, you know, you don't. But anyway, get on that. It'll be good for you.

3. Get Back On Track With The Whole Exercising Thing- You've been living it up these last couple of months, and it's starting to show. Like during the play-drink-eat-repeat thing you had going there in them halcyon days of 2002-2003. Those were doughy times.

4. Stop Losing Hair- Seriously, cut that shit out.